So recently I discovered that A Five Nights at Freddie's movie is being made. Okay would be fine if that wasn't a YouTube bait game that had 2 sequels in less than half a year AND wasn't .PNG jumpscares: The Game. Once again, the lumbering beast known as Hollywood has caught onto something right at the end of it's run, not to mention considering they will have to actually make the film first. Seriously, will anyone care when this film drops in two to three years time? I mean there could be, provided sequels keep getting made, so at this rate we will be up to Five Nights at Freddie's 15: Somehow Not Out of Business. Where was I going with this I can't remember. Oh yeah, theme. So here are some things that shouldn't be things, except for music, which I'm super happy is a thing. Yeah that explains the theme pretty well.
House of the Dead - Uwe Boll (Film)
Thankfully, I have not actually seen this film, just a shit ton of clips from it (because I was researching for this post), and I have to say, Uwe Boll is a genius. He somehow can take any game property and turn them into the biggest pile of shit movies ever. How the fuck do these people even get funding? So this film is awful. There is no reference to the source material apart from the occasional cut to footage from it (for literally no reason). So in this film, a bunch of twats go to an island for an illegal drug fueled rave, that is fully endorsed by sega (for some fucking reason) and then tits happen and then zombies happen. It's awful. I must say from what I have seen from it I want to die. I don't think I want to watch it fully ever. But who knows? Maybe I will hold an event in which we can all watch it. Maybeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Only if you're good.
Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush (Music)
So I couldn't think of a song for the why would they make this theme that I had originally, so I changed the theme a smidge, because I'm lazy and gave up after about twenty minutes of searching (and also because I forgot it was Sunday.) Wuthering Heights is a book. It was written a while back. Then Kate Bush made a song about it. It is amazing. The video is so silly and her voice is so high pitch and the tune is so catchy. I love it. Why full stops? Because I have control over the blog. Write a complaint if you hate it. You know what you can't hate? KATE BUSH! If you do you are wrong and should consult a doctor. I can't properly explain my love for this song, I just kind of adore it completely, and hopefully you learn to too. Also I swear I recommended it already but I could find it anywhere, so that is bugging me really bad.
Aliens: Colonial Marines - SEGA (Game)
So I do actually own this one, and have played a lot of it, mainly because it's so bad (and because it was about the only local co-op game that came out that year.) This one actually really pisses me off, because, quite honestly, I was insanely hyped for this game. I've always wanted a game based off of Aliens, and I was going to get it (from all the trailers and shit.) So anyway, the game dropped and it was a colossal piece of wank. You fight aliens about three times (and fight humans the rest of the time), it's super linear, it looks awful, it plays awful, it IS awful. Maybe, just maybe, if you see it for a fiver, pick it up and have a silly time with a couch buddy (because couch co-op is amazing all the time,) but seriously, this is an atrocity. A colonial atrocity. I HAVE BEEN WAITED FOR SO LONG TO SAY THAT IN RELATION TO THIS GAME YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW LIKE SINCE THE GAME CAME OUT AND NOW YOU KNOW I SUPPOSE.
So my return to having to come up with my own theme was a bit bad, considering it was really twisted so I could actually find content for it. Oh well, I got to talk about Kate Bush, so that's always a plus. Tune in next week when I forget it's Sunday again and come up with some bullshit. That is how we do it.
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